THE BEAUTY AND PAIN OF OBEDIENCE

Obedience is hard. Over the past couple of months, I noticed a desire to experience the Lord deeper and be encountered by Him in a way I hadn't before. I usually fast every end of the month but it was put on my heart to fast for a day every week to reset and then do my 3 day fast at the end of the month. Once I went on the fast, it was revealed to me that there was something i needed to do to go deeper but it wasn't something I wanted to do. 2 years ago, right at the beginning of my walk with the Lord, I had made a bad choice and lied to my parents about it. The Lord revealed to me that I needed to reveal it so that I could experience Him deeper but I wasn't willing to. So many thoughts ran through my mind thinking of what my parents would think. I had already deemed myself irredeemable, unforgivable but clear as day the Lord spoke to me and told  me that He would be with me as i revealed to them what I had hid. There was a peace that filled me with the assurance that the Lord would go before me.As time went by and the day for my parents to visit me drew closer, I knew that I had to prove who I served ; myself, the world or Jesus. It wasn't just to test me but to set me free.

John 8: 31-32 says "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,  and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

I was still living in captivity because i had been keeping it from them. Whenever the topic came up in the past i would hide it or lie about it. If knowing truth according to this verse sets us free, then walking in deception regardless of whatever reason you may be hiding something brings us into captivity.  There was a continuous internal wrestle  between self and the spirit of God within me but through continuous prayer the Lord helped me choose to speak truth in my mind before speaking truth through my mouth. I remember calling them to my room the next day and sitting before them; my head bowed as I told them with tears running down my face and once I was done telling them, I looked up at my father's face and the very first thing he said was, "Shalom, we are not here to condemn you." I could so clearly hear my heavenly father's voice and my earthly father's voice as well

Romans 8:1 says "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

The next words that came out of my parents words felt muted and in my minds eye I remember seeing in all caps, the words REDEMPTION AND MERCY. I was shocked at their response. I couldn't believe that they would comfort me instead of punish me. That day I truly saw the work of God within my parents. I saw His love and their love for me. I was in awe of what I had seen and my mind still couldn't understand what I had experienced. I remember leaving home two hours earlier for my overnight shift at work. I needed to be alone that day and the whole journey to my workplace all I could do was cry. I remember crying throughout my overnight shift and waking up to the most beautiful sunrise and when I looked up I saw redemption. Its seems so hard to describe to you how I felt when I saw the sunrise but it felt like a new chapter. Like I was stepping into something new and beautiful and free. I was no longer bound by shame or fear that they would find out. I was free.

I wasn't just stepping away from the bondage of a lie but I was also stepping away from broken mindsets, perceived deceptions and that's why I believe it felt so different that morning. I got to witness what happens when God's hand touches  the human heart. For while scripture  talks of how the heart is wicked above all things but a Holy God truly molds and changes the heart of man. There was deliverance that was waiting for me on the other side of that confession and it wasn't until I confessed that the Lord allowed me to experience that. To think He allowed me to experience mercy from my earthly father and heavenly father as well, it is truly a beautiful thing.

Romans 8: 28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose".

There is nothing or no one too dirty or broken that the Lord cannot work or restore and my story is proof of that. Testimonies are not just for the person testifying but it was the mercy of the Lord to allow people to experience the wonders of heaven or His love so that we can be voices of God for the rest of the world. To reveal and remind others of the love of the Lord and mercy. He was piecing my story together and revealing to me what mercy and forgiveness was firsthand but also doing it with you in mind. There's people tied to every testimony in our lives and so I pray that this will reach the person that needs this or that God had in mind when He was working and revealing this to me.

Truly there is beauty in obedience. The beauty is Him. More of Him.I love you but Jesus loves you more.