THE COST OF DISOBEDIENCE

Earlier around June, I was at my friend's house and we were having this conversation. I had just done a pop up for the first time which went quite well and i wanted to do some more. I looked up pop ups and nanaimo and didn't find that many but another friend had suggested doing some pop-ups in vancouver.So I had mentioned to my friend that I was thinking of going to vancouver every week for pop ups to increase my visibility as a brand and meet more people. She explained that going back and forth would be very expensive but in that moment, I didn't care. I had made up my mind and was sure I would make quite a bit of money so it would be ok. I had l planned to go with my products to vancouver since it was only a ferry ride away. I disregarded my friends advice and made my own decision. I headed to vancouver on the 9th of July with the largest suitcase bigger than my 4ft 11 self. Thankfully someone saw me struggle and helped me drag it on the ferry until the train to metro town where we both parted ways. He was heading to surrey while I was heading to burnaby to my friend's house. I was finally able to get to her place and the next morning I had to leave for the pop up. It was a 2 day pop up from 10am to 8pm and I remember selling quite a bit of my products on the first day. The second day my hopes were up. I expected to sell a lot of product but that wasn't the case. I remember it being around 3 or 4pm and hearing  "You are looking to your own efforts to elevate and yet it is only God who elevates"

I didn't think to much on it and completely disregarded that thought thinking it was mine. Over the next couple of weeks just going to vancouver, I felt drained, depleted both spiritually and financially. It was taking a lot out of me just by being there and i was exhausted. I just wanted to enjoy a week at home without going back and that's what i should have done but I kept going back. The week of the 31st of July, i had gone again for another pop up and i remember being very spiritually sensitive. I had just gotten off of a fast and that day I was really exhausted. We had gone to deep cove and spent the day paddle boarding and exploring so once we got back it was pretty late that I just wanted to sleep. I went straight to the bed and within seconds I was half asleep. I felt this presence on top of me, not as intense as i've felt before but I was paralysed for a couple of minutes before I quickly managed to break free once I said the name Jesus and sit up. I quickly rebuked it and in my tiredness, said a quick prayer and went back to sleep. The same thing happened the second time I went back to bed. The same presence over me and my mouth shut to where I couldn't say a word or even say Jesus but by the grace of God i was able to break free. This had never happened to me before. Twice in a night. I remember waking up the next day and being shocked by what happened then pushing it to the back of my mind and coming back to vancouver the next week not realising that was a warning. The next week, I came back for another pop up and on the first night i was there, i had a very sexual dream. There was this guy that I'd met in my dream and he was in this apartment that I knew was mine in the dream but wasn't mine. He got on the couch and started imagining me with him. I was viewing everything in third person but somehow i saw a silhouette of a person on top of him. I knew it was me and weirdly i could feel everything that was happening in real time. My first thought was "oh what if this is a demon "but then ignored it and then i stopped and realised this isn't right. I quickly got up and rebuked it and started praying. I walked to the bathroom still feeling like there was something wrong and then I heard " It was made for the marriage bed and there has now been a covenant made." That shocked me to my core. I was scared. I started praying again and then I heard "ONCE YOU LIE ON THE ALTAR, YOU ARE OFFERING YOURSELF AS A SACRIFICE TO IT." 

This later led me to fast such that these would be broken off. Why am I sharing this? Well for starters, one thing the Lord has always wanted for this blog was transparency and vulnerability. To show people that you are not alone in this but also to reveal to people the reality of this world even as a christian these are things that you still struggle with even after giving your life to Christ. I had been given multiple chances to not go. It wasn't just about the pop ups, while along the way they were also used to reveal that i was walking in self reliance but there was something even greater that was happening in the spirit that I didn't realise. The Lord had spoken to me on multiple occasions but I was picking and choosing what i wanted to hear and because of this there were consequences and I dealt with the aftermath even after i got back home. 

The Lord is always speaking but we need to listen to Him. All the more so even after we give our lives to Him. I was able to see the reality of this world truly being a spiritual world and how nothing is really as it seems. All i was doing in the physical was falling asleep but the Lord revealed to me that I had offered myself as a sacrifice in the spiritual. This is not to scare you but show you the reality that all that we see is not all that there is and to take heed to the warnings of the Lord.  This is the same for those in the world. The reality of living a life without him while it might be good on earth, ultimately the end is hell but God gave us His son. We have a chance at redemption, restoration and healing .The once broken relationship can be brought and made whole as long as we choose Jesus.

 We have a choice. So choose wisely but also know that what you choose has consequences.

I love you but Jesus loves you more.